Tuesday, November 04, 2008

The Adventures of a Real-Life Bridezilla

warning...no quilt content, unless you consider the quilt hanging I made as a gift.

Inquiring minds have asked me about this wedding from Hell, so here it is!

My husbands friend from highschool got married 3 days ago. It was my nightmare wedding. It was the kind that make you wonder how anyone could botch everything so badly. It has left me shaking my head since Saturday about how bad I hope this gal's life must be that she takes out her frustration on her husband's friends as was done. I'll stop there.

Here's some of the highlights...
~wedding started intentionally 15 minutes late allegedly on account of a chronically late uncle. Turns out the bride appeared at the church at 4:10 herself.

~My hubby was a groomsman in the wedding so we were there at 3:30. I got roped into assisting a totally craftless bridesmaid put tulle on a wagon that her 8month old son and ring bearer rode in. The dumb wagon was right in the way of the church entry, so that guests had to step over tulle to go in. I felt like such a smuck, but it was her doing. Then she left to go be with the rest of the party, leaving me there, IN THE WAY!

~I learned from friends there that one close friend was not actually invited (best man had to call a few days before to find out why), another was invited but invitation came without his wife's name on it, and yet another's invitation came to "Joe and Mary" (wife's name is Sue!).

~Bride chose pink and brown as her colors. Bridesmaids looked like total sausages in their pink and brown dresses. Could they not order the proper size??? I mean it...pepto-pink sausages. I have nothing against larger gals, but let's be real. No size person ought to be squeezed into a pencil-straight skirt and strapless bodice satin gown so that the ripples of one's underwear and every crease of her buttocks show. It was just ugly. I thought they'd just tear in half once they sat down. Simply frightful.

~After service we learned that there was a limo for the bridal party so I had to drive our car over to reception since my hubby was in the party. He told me later on that they had a bottle of champagne in the limo, but the limo driver didn't have bottle openner (and this was some special bottle that had a recessed cork!). HA!

~I went in with the wife of the Best Man to find that there was no table card for me. Great! Where the hell was I supposed to sit?? We also quickly learned that the entire party minus the spouses was at a "head table" facing everyone else. This is the absolute most archaic arrangement in modern wedding times. I guarantee you, if any of the Bridezilla's maids had spouses rather than a list of exhusbands, as the case is, then they'd have been sitting at the head table. Instead, the reception had two parents/family tables (all filled to 8 persons), 8-10 other guest tables (filled to 8 people) and our table...four of us loser wives of the groomsmen! It was a joke, really a joke. Are you telling me that they couldn't make some modification to the head table to include spouses there??? Afterall, we are as much friends of the groom as our husbands are.

~The food, you wonder??? Awful. Mushy, cold and cheese (no, I don't eat cheese so it was largely repugnant offerings of bad casseroles). Did I mention cold? And I was only the 3rd table to get fed too. The salad was actually OK, as were the rolls, but that doesn't fill one up. My mother-in-law told me she went to an event at this same banquet hall (Keeley the Katerer, Warren Ave, Portland, ME) and found that the salad greens were not even washed! The salad was gritty! Had to chuckle.

~There was nothing personal about the hall decor whatsoever. It was just bland. Often you'll find a picture board of the bride and groom, or flowers, or a personalized table number (I have seen tables named after places the couple visited, or animals they enjoy, or just something). Nothing here. Just ugly.
~The music stunk. Bad DJ.

~She tossed a bouquet and forced absolutely EVERY single gal onto the floor to stand for it. Sort of degrading watching the best man's divorced 68 year old mother being pulled out there for the archaic tradition. As you guessed, I chose not to toss a bouquet. If gals are single, that is their choice and not our's to point them out and remind them that they may or may not be the next to marry.

~There was no garter. Probably because they don't come in 10-12" sizes. I really did not need to see Mrs. Thunder Thighs that badly.

~At receptions, the bride and groom always go around to each table and visit with each guest. We were seated at table #3, but we (remind you we are only the good friends of the groom and the lonely wives club) were the last table they came to. Once Bridezilla was introduced, she quickly turned and ran off to her girly friends. It couldn't have been more rude. She left her hubby to chat with us, but it was SO obvious of her disdain for his friends. WHY? There was no "Sorry we missed you last night at the rehearsal dinner (it was halloween)", or "Thanks for coming today to celebrate with us". Nothing.

~As we were getting ready to leave, we heard that there was a bridal party brunch the following morning at a local hotel. Apparently none of the groomsmen of the wedding knew about it though!!

~It's the kind of wedding that you just want badly to tell who this was. She ought to be staked to a public pole so we can all laugh at her, mock her for her utter rudeness and lack of proper ettiquite. I can't fault her too badly for the hall's lousy ambiance and crappy food, but just about everything else that went bad was at her doing. She did the invitations and guest lists, and dress selections.

~It just makes me sad I actually thought I'd make her something unique for her wedding. So sad.
(picture taken prior to quilting)


Cascade Lily said...

Oh Margaret! What a shocker. I'm guessing you and the other 'loser wives' were giving the marriage less than two years?

My mum annoyed my uncle by not attending his son's engagement party (it was the fourth of my cousins to get engaged within a couple of months and she was over it). At the wedding she and my dad were seated at a table with people they didn't know around a corner in the room so they couldn't see the other tables. All my other aunties and uncles were seated together near the bride and groom!

black bear cabin said...

what a nightmare...but then again, i always thought weddings were a waste of time and money!
i say forget the wedding, and spend all your money on a new home together or a fabulous honeymoon! :)
bridezilla sounds like she intentionally chose those hideous bridesmaid dresses to make her look better than her friends. too bad her personality was so utterly hideous, that she looked just as bad! How sad for your friend to be married to such a moron :(