Sunday, May 26, 2019

As May Ends

I have sat down to write this post a dozen times. I do appreciate the many private messages and comments I received after the last post. Some of you know the full truth. It is not just about processing the death of my father. That has had it's trying days, for sure. We had his memorial service last weekend, and I was tied up doing this and that for it. My family has been dealing with immense issues from my 17 year old son also. I think that this has been weighing on me way more than the death. It has taken its toll on my psyche harder than I could have predicted. I'm not going to discuss these issues in any form here, as this is truly private, but know that they are scary and affect me to my very core. They question my ability to be a parent. They have made me wonder why people become parents if this is what parenting eventually is. I hate that feeling.
More times than I can count I have contemplated just running away, escaping the hell, the fear, the unknown. Fortunately, the ties to these children are very tight, and that has been a near impossible thought to rationalize. I remember being moody and depressed as a kid that age, but that is mostly where I left it. I still went off to school every day, did my homework, stayed out of trouble, etc. Life is complex 35 years later.
As you can see, I have been doing some quilting. I have not just climbed under a rock for the duration...LOL! This is a group quilt that will be entered at the Maine Quilt show this summer. It has these 3-dimensional things on it (I call those long armer's speed-bumps). The makers like them so no foul language about them :-) They just never seem to lay as I would prefer.
I played with varying up the texture of the quilting to get patterns to show. Not a bad looking quilt considering 11 different ladies worked on it! I'd love to see if hanging but I will be at the Hershey show at this time.
Thank you for not harassing me for my unusual love of well-aged music. I am rather "seasoned", after all!  I'm sure that my last post should have raised lots of eyebrows, and created a snicker to be heard from 3-states away. There is just nothing that can break my love of Queen's music. As a lifelong musician, I fully appreciate their depth, vocal harmonies, creative use of musical elements, and the vocals just speak to my core (and I haven't even mentioned my teenage crazy-affinity for the uber-sexy guitarist, yes I am off the deep end!). So much changed from the 1973 songs of 1991 -- but it has been more than therapeutic to relive how I discovered their songs the first time.

I'll try to share some more of what I have quilted this past month...


Joya said...

This is absolutely stunning! Truly beautiful xx

Susan A said...

I’m sorry to say i missed your last I just went back and read about your struggles
Time and love for your family will bring some measure of peace
It took me several years to adjust to losing my husband so please take a virtual hug from me to all your family
Quilting is my salvation and I so appreciate the tips and quilts hat you share
Escape looks amazing
Peace to you and your family

San Francisco Stitch Co. said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Unknown said...

Hang in there. My difficult child at 17 (kicked out of school, ran away, sold drugs, time in jail) turned into an amazing man, husband and father. I never would have believed it at the time. I wish you peace.

sdrussell said...

My grandson and his mom and her husband live with me. If what you are going through with your son is anything like what I dealing with my grandson you have my symphony. He did go to school, but stopped doing the work. This is the worst thing you can do in your senior year. How he has managed to graduate is a miracle. So between his carp and not wanting my son to come for graduation, I have had a wonderful 2019 so far. I can't give you any advice, as I don't know any to give. But I do understand some of what is going on with your son. Keep your head high and know that eventually this will pass. Of course at a great price for you to bear.
I am holding you in good thoughts and hope that things will settle down for your family and especially for you. Diane

nic_003_5 said...

Sorry to hear your sad news. I hope you and your family find a way through the stuff that's going on now and are in a brighter place soon. Sending you warm thoughts and best wishes for you and yours

Vicki W said...

Your quilting is spectacular, as always! Your stress doesn't show in it at all. While I don't have children I have watched friends deal with difficult teens and I understand the stress. We have a friend visiting today with his 2 sons, both over 27 now looking healthy after some serious drug issues that no one thought they would survive. Today they look healthy and are happy to be fishing with their "Uncle Chris". But it sure aged and stressed their parents who were the only people, honestly, who believed in them. I got to watch my own Mom deal with my youngest brother who had no drug issues but was too smart to be bothered going to school. She had to threaten to go to school with him. I don't have an advice or particular words of encouragement, I just feel for you and hope things resolve soon.
BTW, I'm going to be in Hershey so if you need any help with anything let me know. I'm glad to offer my free services!

Mom said...

Vicki - pop in and see me at Hershey if you have time! My daughter is coming (I think). Plan to put her to work loading machines, etc (Will work for chocolate is her motto!)

Tammy said...

This parenting thing never gets any easier does it? My husband and I had two teenagers who went off the deep end. The biggest thing is to try to keep some contact going so they always know where home is. My husband kept in contact while I tried to keep from killing people on a daily basis. Ten years later we have pretty good relationships with both children, but life will never be the same. It is different than what we would have wanted for these children, but we are so glad we didn't just write them off (my first choice) when things were so bad I couldn't cope. It is really hard on the younger siblings also. Hugs and prayers to you.