Sunday, May 26, 2019

As May Ends

I have sat down to write this post a dozen times. I do appreciate the many private messages and comments I received after the last post. Some of you know the full truth. It is not just about processing the death of my father. That has had it's trying days, for sure. We had his memorial service last weekend, and I was tied up doing this and that for it. My family has been dealing with immense issues from my 17 year old son also. I think that this has been weighing on me way more than the death. It has taken its toll on my psyche harder than I could have predicted. I'm not going to discuss these issues in any form here, as this is truly private, but know that they are scary and affect me to my very core. They question my ability to be a parent. They have made me wonder why people become parents if this is what parenting eventually is. I hate that feeling.
More times than I can count I have contemplated just running away, escaping the hell, the fear, the unknown. Fortunately, the ties to these children are very tight, and that has been a near impossible thought to rationalize. I remember being moody and depressed as a kid that age, but that is mostly where I left it. I still went off to school every day, did my homework, stayed out of trouble, etc. Life is complex 35 years later.
As you can see, I have been doing some quilting. I have not just climbed under a rock for the duration...LOL! This is a group quilt that will be entered at the Maine Quilt show this summer. It has these 3-dimensional things on it (I call those long armer's speed-bumps). The makers like them so no foul language about them :-) They just never seem to lay as I would prefer.
I played with varying up the texture of the quilting to get patterns to show. Not a bad looking quilt considering 11 different ladies worked on it! I'd love to see if hanging but I will be at the Hershey show at this time.
Thank you for not harassing me for my unusual love of well-aged music. I am rather "seasoned", after all!  I'm sure that my last post should have raised lots of eyebrows, and created a snicker to be heard from 3-states away. There is just nothing that can break my love of Queen's music. As a lifelong musician, I fully appreciate their depth, vocal harmonies, creative use of musical elements, and the vocals just speak to my core (and I haven't even mentioned my teenage crazy-affinity for the uber-sexy guitarist, yes I am off the deep end!). So much changed from the 1973 songs of 1991 -- but it has been more than therapeutic to relive how I discovered their songs the first time.

I'll try to share some more of what I have quilted this past month...